No, I’m not thinking if you’re able to spread swine flu by kissing. Everyone understands obtain swine flu virus from having sexual intercourse with bacon. The thing I’m interested in is whether or not poor kissing, like swine flu virus in ’09, has become an epidemic.

Just like the Loch Ness Monster, or Bigfoot, untamed rumors of terrible kisser sightings had floated around for many years. But I never really believed all of them. What i’m saying is, how will you bang up kissing?! Until a couple months before, my personal solution ended up being, you simply can’t. Isn’t kissing always at the least somewhere throughout the pleasurable scale? In an evil instance circumstance it might be a-1, but it is still in good area (why don’t we see…i possibly could be creating out because of this lady or seeing reruns of the Jersey Shore and I also’d be just as happy…and yes, viewing reruns of Jersey Shore matters as good region for me…clearly I have low standards for just what constitutes an optimistic experience). But dipping into bad region? Difficult! Or More I thought…

Molly and that I were on the next go out, also it were lots of fun. Food, many products (ok, more than a few), and then we went her back to the woman apartment. At the front door we moved in for a goodnight hug, and the things I had gotten in exchange was…well…imagine if someone else put a cold baby carrot inside mouth right after which just let it remain indeed there. That was her language. After all, only this swelling within my mouth, which I are wanting to poke at somewhat using my very own language to find out if it’s even live, and receiving zero response. It actually was therefore lifeless that I actually pulled to find out if she had passed down mid-kiss. Maybe not kidding. Unfortunately perhaps not. Yikes. Shortest makeout actually ever.

Alright. Okay. One poor kisser in a very long time? I can accept that. Until…

…this time it actually was a first go out. In fact it wasn’t actually a night out together. Jess and that I was basically developed by a shared friend, and the genuine first date was not supposed to be for another few days. But on Saturday-night i acquired a text from her stating “Hey! I am in town which includes pals. Appear meet all of us for a glass or two!” And so I did. Blah blah blah, we finished up falling this lady down at her destination, and next thing you understand we’re generating on. Or I guess that’s what it actually was supposed to be. Just what it had been was definitely frightening. The easiest way I’d describe it could be if the woman tongue and my personal lips were a mortar and pestle, and she was actually attempting to grind grain in the back of my personal neck. Which by yourself had been distressful enough to make me n’t need to hug for some time, long time…and then…well…ummm…she started to use my top front teeth as a tongue scraper. Seriously. She actually is putting the woman language in my lips, lodging it up against my top teeth, immediately after which scraping it she brings it of my throat. And perform. What…the…fuck?! She has teeth correct? Very she understands 1) they can’t feel everything and 2) that is friggin gross? I was really praying that I happened to be being Punk’d. But no these fortune. And we also have another winner for shortest makeout ever before.

Severely, with two poor kissers consecutively i’m genuinely concerned about this getting an epidemic. I’m not sure everything you do to prevent a terrible kisser epidemic, but whatever it really is, are we able to kindly can get on this ASAP? Because if i’ve yet another bad makeout, kissing could join crazy chicken and oysters one of many things i’ve quit after terrible experiences. And even though i will endure without crazy chicken and oysters, existence without kissing is no existence after all. HELP!!!!

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